The Circle

Lately I've been overwhelmed by what is happening inside and outside of my home. Inside my home, I'm going a little (read: VERY) stir-crazy amidst this pandemic. Outside of my home, there's adamant and sometimes violent opposition to a movement calling for racial equality.

Last night I urged myself to stay off of social media today after the toll it's been taking on my mind and heart. I didn't make it very long (I'm proud of myself for not checking it instantly this morning though), but I've been mostly filling myself with good stuff instead of the upsetting stuff, which has made a world (or at least a continent) of difference.

What I've come to realize in the latter hours of the day, after listening to a podcast by Bunny Michael and then one interviewing Brene Brown, listening to a video by Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach and subsequently watching their wedding, scrolling through and posting on my @Self.Love.Spo IG, is that it all comes down to who you're surrounded by (notice I didn't say who you surround yourself with, which is different).

I used to be surrounded by people who believed homosexuality was a sin. Nicest people in the world, but yeah being gay was wrong. Trans, although less about sexuality and more about gender identity, was kind of lumped in the same pile and, to be honest, hardly mentioned. I was around this day and night. I thought I'd found the moral backing for this argument, which my scientific, logical, dichotomous brain loves. People I admired and respected and loved all believed the same thing: being gay is wrong. So I hate to say it, but I agreed.

There came a time when there arose a schism between me and this world, however. It started with a bang, then a slow fizzle, then some near-drowning, then a relocation, and lots of healing and epiphanies. Slowly I began to see gay people as no different than straight people. The biggest change was when I began to meet queer people and they became my friends. At that point it was like: how could anyone look down or judge this perfectly wonderful human being? I started to see how harmful our well-intentioned judgments are.

Because even if you're looking to save someone from eternal damnation or whatever and so you poo-poo their lifestyle choice, they are still a human being. And by withholding even a little bit of love from that person, you are participating in one of the worst scourges on this earth (IMO): people feeling like they're not accepted for who they are and what they are. That's my current opinion and I'm sticking to it.

My point is: I get it. I get where people are coming from when they think that Trump is helping the economy or All Lives Matter or capitalism is the answer. I used to be one of those people; I just forget sometimes. I'm so passionate about justice for all that it creates a blind spot to where I used to be. And where I used to be was influenced by those people I hung around.

So when I'm astonished that someone isn't posting a black square, or is pointing to "race riots", or saying we just all need to love each other with no mention of doing the work of anti-racism, I really shouldn't be surprised and I really shouldn't be judgmental. Their perspective is molded by the people who raised them and by the people they associate with. I'm learning to have empathy for that. Because if this were 5 years ago, that would have been me. Thank God I've changed.