External Validation Station

"We save a lot of time and energy by continuously making sure we aren't taking on what isn't ours or taking responsibility that isn't ours."

- Lisa Olivera

The above quote can apply to so many things. Others' opinions, for one. How many of us worry if we haven't received enough likes on a Facebook post? No positive comments in the comment section of Instagram for weeks? What I just realized was how social media literally trains us to care about others' opinions. It used to be good enough to have an opinion-- now that opinion must be validated by everyone and their book club.

How heavy this need for external validation weighs.

Don't for a second think that I'm somehow exempt from this. I only talk about things I struggle with, and validation is one. I've always admired characters in TV shows who seemed to say whatever they were thinking and not fall down from the invalidation of it. When characters teased them, they didn't care-- they probably were comfortable enough in who they were to withstand a little mockery. Rachel on Friends, Alexis on Schitt's Creek-- these are my role models. Not because anything they say or do is particularly role-model-worthy, but because they don't care if someone doesn't like them.

Even this. It's not enough to virtually pen my thoughts -- what if no one sees this, or worse, what if no one agrees? This is not a burden I alone bear. And that is why I write this today.

You can turn off commenting on Instagram, but you can't turn off likes. But maybe we can turn off the likes in our mind. The craving need for some external, social media-approved, transient, impermanent validation. Instead we can turn our thoughts to trying to connect to people IRL who usually care about us a bit more.